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I need a change.

That change has nothing to do with making other people like me, but more so that I can like myself. Generally I'm pretty happy with myself, but at the very core of my being, I'm unsatisfied with everything I do.

I am the living, walking example of a hypocrite and as much as I try to pretend that that doesn't bother me, it does. I think I'm like that because I strive to achieve this idealistic image in my head of what a person should be, but I simply cannot. I have a set of morals and a set of beliefs that I preach and I preach but very rarely do I follow them and it kills me that I do that in the first place.

A hypocrite's hypocrite. Ironic much?

But the point of this post isn't to wallow in self-pity, it isn't to ask the world for pity. It's primarily to remind myself that however hard it is to change, sometimes you just have to.

People are constantly unhappy with who they are and that sort of unhappiness revolves around appearances and just simple stuff. I'm not that kind of a person. However, when I'm faced with who I see in the mirror, it not the outside that bothers me, but the knowledge of the person who dwells behind the face, and I can't deal with that person anymore.

I'm taking it one step at a time. I'm not going to admit the extent of my mistakes and flaws on the internet, but let's just say that this would be a much longer post if I did. I'm gonna strive to be a better person. Correction: I am going to be a better person.

I hope this works.